Thursday, October 1, 2009

Look At My Briefs -- 10/01/09

It's the first day of October which means I present today an extra spooky editon of Look At My Briefs. (There's nothing at all spooky about this. I made that part up. If you have a weak heart and weren't going to read this, don't worry. -- MC)

I guess this Twilight trend won't be ending any time soon. Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke didn't get to direct the sequel so instead she's doing a movie just like it. Then there's this lesbian werewolf version of Twilight whose director said this...
“This creature, though grotesque, becomes Diane’s way of saying, ‘I love you so much I want to eat you and put you inside me forever.’”
...and I said this...

Proving that anything in Hollywood can become the subject of a movie deal if it just sits still long enough, a book called Candy written by The Hills star Lauren Conrad is slated for a filmed adaptation. That book, incidentally, was written by Lauren Conrad in the same way that the plays of William Shakespeare were written by me. This is how the writing process went:
Ghost Writer: I think I'll have the protagonist do this. Is that all right with you, Lauren?

Lauren Conrad: Um...sure. What's a protagonist?

If only someone would do this to the Saw movies.

This Variety article fascinated me:
Stephen King is taking another stab at the smallscreen, signing on to turn his novella "The Colorado Kid" into an hourlong series for indie studio E1 Entertainment ("Hung").

Titled "Haven," the project centers on a spooky town in Maine where cursed folk live normal lives in exile. When those curses start returning, FBI agent Audrey Parker is brought in to keep those supernatural forces at bay -- while trying to unravel the mysteries of Haven.
Interesting idea, I suppose. May suck, may not. No way to know at this point. All I could think of, however, was, "What the hell does any of that have to do with The Colorado Kid?" That book was about two elderly newspaper men describing the biggest murder mystery that had ever occurred in their small Maine town to their college age intern. The town was not called Haven, there was no character in the book named Audrey Parker, and nothing that could even vaguely be called supernatural went on in all of the book's 184 pages. I was wondering if maybe King had another book out there with the same title but Google says no. How the hell do you get to call this an adaptation? Does that word have a meaning of which I am unaware? Hell, I can do this. I want to adapt Cujo into a television series about good looking singles in their 20s who take turns boning each other while trying to make it in Hollywood. Consider this an idea submission, E1 entertainment.

All the entertainment industry heavy hitters who are losing their shit over the idea of Roman Polanski going to prison remind me of cops who form "The Blue Wall Of Silence" whenever another cop gets into trouble except that the cops have the good sense to be silent while the Hollywood people won't shut the hell up. I don't understand the thinking of people who think a guy should be issued a license to drug and rape a teenager just because that movie he made where Jack Nicholson got his nose sliced open was cool but I gave up trying to comprehend the mind of people who work in the film industry when said industry made Bride Wars. This whole situation has been good for some people, though. Big Hollywood has been having a field day expressing their righteous indignation over this issue. It was very lucky for them that liberal filmmakers came down on the pro-Polanski side thus granting them full license to really get outraged. At least their love of the rule of law has given them something else to do now besides condemning anyone who thinks that American officials who violated international torture laws should be held accountable in a court of law.


Dan Coyle said...

There was IMO an implication in The Colorado Kid about the strangeness of the town, and that what was going on may have had something to do with the way From a Buick 8 connects to the Dark Tower.

In a way, it's just like Buick 8 in its creepy embrace of small town values and quirkiness and the shoving down your throat of "SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN, EVEN THOUGH WE JUST SPENT HUNDREDS OF PAGES TRYING."

But you're right, it doesn't really make much sense.

I'm not sure where I was going with that, really.

I don't care about John Nolte's Polanski pearl clutching- the guy has a freak out every six hours about supposed pedophilia in Hollywood, despite the fact that he has no children. I wonder how old his wife is.

Michael Wilson's battle with Adam McKay is far more entertaining, as is his whining about Michael Moore five years after he got his Michael Moore Hates America movie made.

Michael Clear said...

Nolte did say once he had a daughter. He was complaining that she would probably get him to take her to WALL-E even though it was socialist environmentalist propaganda.

Dan Coyle said...

Interesting. I could have sworn that he's said multiple times on Dirty Harry's Place and Big Hollywood that he DOESN'T have kids.