Sites that do this always offer a very eclectic selection that consists of a few decent offerings mixed in with a massive crapload of totally ghastly offerings. It's free and no one is forcing anyone to watch anything and, unlike a great deal of YouTube's content, it's actually legal for them to show so really, why would anyone complain? Why? This is the internet and complaining is why it exists. Take away the complaints and the whole world wide web would never have evolved past Dancing Hamsters since, at the time that came out, 90% of all web content was people saying, "DANCING HAMSTERS IZ GHEY! :)" I figured today I'd select a few titles at random and see if we can gauge what sort of quality film viewing experience YouTube has to offer.
BLUE JUICE -- This caught my eye because I noticed how much the people on the poster looked like Ewan McGregor and Catherine Zeta-Jones and I foolishly assumed that a crap 3rd rate 90s surfing movie wouldn't have Ewan McGregor and Catherine Zeta-Jones, thus setting myself up for a crushing disappointment. The movie's IMDB plot synopsis contained one of my all-time favorite plot synopsis lines:
JC has his own problems with Chloe: Will he stay with her and run a surfer coffee shop or travel around the world without her?I do have to wonder how it is that JC fucked up his life so badly that his options have been reduced to world travel or serving coffee to guys who call each other, "Bra." This all just screams "quality film."
THE BLUE LAGOON -- This is the very pretty looking 1980 movie that catapulted the very pretty looking then-16-year-old Brooke Shields to fame. It's an awesome movie for people who think 16 year old girls should be presented on film as either scantily clad or totally naked objects of sexual desire. In 1991, there was a sequel called Return to the Blue Lagoon that opens with the grisly deaths of the two characters from the first movie and tells the story of their son who followed in Mom and Dad's footsteps by getting stranded on an uncharted island and nailing an underage girl who seems to hate clothes (then-16-year-old Milla Jojovich). It's probably time to carry on this proud tradition and make a 3rd movie in which Miley Cyrus receives her cinematic deflowering. Just a suggestion.
FITZCARRALDO -- Ah, a decent movie. This is Werner Herzog's 1982 classic about how a man whose obsession to fulfill his dream of building an opera house in the Peruvian jungle just about destroys him and everything around him. It's actually one of the more amazing technical achievements in the history of cinema because they actually pulled a 300 ton riverboat through the jungle without the use of special effects. There's even a documentary about the making of the movie called Burden of Dreams that's probably more interesting than the movie itself. Herzog had originally cast Mick Jagger as Fitzcarraldo's assistant but cut the character out when Jagger had to leave to go on tour. Fitzcarraldo stops just short of greatness but there are worse ways to spend your time than watching it. For instance, you could watch just about everything else on YouTube.
THE MOD SQUAD -- Okay, enough about good movies. Let's all gather around our internet box things and watch one of the stupidest movies based on a television show ever made. Dennis Farina's cop character gets the brilliant idea of recruiting criminals to serve as police officers and seems surprised when, at first, the whole thing goes to shit. Fortunately, their fate is controlled by the godlike powers of screenwriters so it all does come together even though these geniuses needed Farina to die first. This is especially memorable for the scene where Claire Danes drags a guy she barely knows into a dirty public bathroom for sex. I wonder if she's proud of that role.
Oh well, that's enough. I'm off to see Wolverine, a movie I'm sure will be more than worthy of being shown free on YouTube in a few years.
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